Raising three boys has its challenges. I found that instilling good manners is essential to maintaining some semblance of order. Following simple rules of etiquette displays a sense of respect for those you are interacting with, whether it be at the table or in a conversation.
It takes persist training to get a teenage boy to “mind his manners” at the table, especially when his brothers are within range of a friendly arm punch or earshot of a cheeky comment. Whittling down the rules of etiquette to a simple few that can be applied across situations allows for a consistent message and enforcement. As the queen of etiquette, Emily Post, said, “Manners are like primary colors; there are certain rules and once you have these you merely mix, i.e., adapt, them to meet changing situations.”
Emily Post emphasizes the principles of consideration, respect, and honesty as the foundation of all good manners. Manners such as the common greeting vary between cultures. In Asia, many people bow when greeting each other, in the United States it may be a handshake or a hug depending on familiarity, and in Italy it may be a quick kiss on each cheek. Each form of greeting communicates a sense of respect for the other individual.
Communicating rules of etiquette and enforcing good manners in an online environment takes a similar clarity and persistence as reining in three teenage boys at the dinner table. I recently worked with a faculty member to design a synchronous virtual meeting between DePaul graduate students and Nigerian international law students. We chose Zoom as the video conferencing platform as it requires minimal set-up for participants. We anticipated technical issues, specifically limited bandwidth, so establishing clear rules for the interaction was crucial to facilitating a meaningful discussion.
Both student groups had access to a Google site that had the course content specific to the global exchange they were participating in. The synchronous meeting was a required component of the exchange. Below are the set-up instructions, basic agenda, and rules of etiquette that I published on the Google site.
April 4th arrived and it was time for the synchronous meeting. 26 Nigerian law students and 15 DePaul graduate students all logged into one Zoom video meeting. It was chaotic at first. The Nigerian students were outside in a courtyard in an effort to pick up the strongest network signal possible. The wind made a loud rustling sound on their ear bud microphones and the connection was intermittent at times.
The DePaul students logged in from a computer situated indoors either at their office or home. Before the DePaul instructor began the discussion, he shared his screen and brought up the rules of etiquette and read over them one by one. Then, he waited until all the students muted their mics…and it worked, they did it! A sense of order was coming into place as the Nigerian faculty member began with an introduction and overview of the international law program that her students are enrolled in. From there, the discussion launched into migration and internally displaced persons (IDPs).
Dr. Eyo and her student
The connection was spotty at times, but students were patient and tried to understand as much as possible. They maintained a respectful and inclusive discussion in which students from both universities contributed equally. According to the student survey feedback, the meeting was a great success. These comments capture the overall tenor of the survey results:
- “Interacting with students from Nigeria! Hearing their perspectives on different issues”
- “I liked the fact that I experienced another dimension of learning outside the classroom. And I liked the fact that I was able to interact with students from another part of the world and also share in their thoughts and understanding”
- “I liked the interactive sessions”
Emily Post’s guiding principles of etiquette: consideration, respect, and honesty grounded the meeting set-up and interaction which proved to create an environment of compassion, curiosity, and openness. Although the meeting started out a bit chaotic, we were able to regain order by referring back to a few basic rules and patiently wait for the students to embrace them. Successfully getting 40-plus students to have good manners in a synchronous virtual meeting makes getting three teenage boys to mind their manners at the dinner table a cakewalk!